Forever Liminal

Things feel different, but also strangely familiar.

It has been a weird week. I’ve had difficulty focusing, lots of self-doubt, and an overall drop in my mood. These are all symptoms of depression, sure, but also, I’d argue they’re symptoms of being human. We’ve had several days of solid rain. There are not one but two wars going on in the world at large. I got pretty smashed last Monday, which is not usual behavior for me—I even got sick afterwards like a total n0ob.

Given all that, you might think I’m not doing well. I’ll admit, things have been hard. I can’t even seem to get into the Halloween spirit, which is rare for me.

On the other hand, I’ve gotten plenty of hopeful reassurances from the universe. Little signs that I’m doing everything I should be doing. Quality time with both kids. Contact from new readers interested in my work. The online store is almost ready. Jean and I keep showing up for each other every day like it’s second nature. I’m getting my steps in and even occasionally hitting the gym.

Things feel different, but also strangely familiar.

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Back in March, I started a book called Barn Door to Hell. Longtime readers of this newsletter have probably even read excerpts of it. It’s the book I hope to use for launching my store—an all or nothing hunk of modern pulp with splashes of extreme horror. While I am proud of the 40,000-ish words I put down, the book is nowhere near completion. With the exception of the horror scenes, the manuscript has a lot of telling and no showing, and the character arcs don’t truly materialize by the time we reach the final page.

This means I’m going back to the beginning.

Now, before you panic and message me asking if I’m okay or if I’m starting from scratch, let me assure you that I’m perfectly fine and not starting from scratch. Everything I need in the book is there; I just need to flesh out the story itself and smooth over the rough edges.

I’m not discouraged at all. I still fully intend on releasing the book in January (and launching a preorder even sooner). I’ve got people I trust giving me notes and still have a lot of excitement for the idea.

This will be good, and I hope you are as ready for it as I am.

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In the most recent episode of Make Your Own Damn Podcast, Jeff and I discussed the 2009 horror comedy Cockhammer. I’ll briefly address the elephant in the room. Yes, it’s directed by Kevin Strange, a controversial figure with whom Jeff has a longstanding online feud. However, we took the work on its own merits, leaving out any personal shit, an attempt to truly separate art from the artist. You can give it a listen here.

Currently reading: My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell, Gather, Darkness by Fritz Leiber, and The Black Farm by Elias Witherow.

With the exception of something that happens midway through the book, My Dark Vanessa does everything you expect it to do. The writing itself is good, and given its subject matter, there’s plenty of ick. However, I found it middling and not nearly as transgressive as it thinks it is.

I’m enjoying Gather, Darkness so far, and I just started The Black Farm before writing today’s newsletter.

Currently watching: The Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors, The Midnight Club on Netflix, and Five Nights at Freddy’s.

Currently hearing: